How Makeup Brought Me Back to Life

One day in 2015, I looked around at all my lipstick and realized....these will outlive me. 

I've always been a fan of blowing a few bucks on that Hourglass lipstick or Burberry lipliner and this new thought didn't necessarily keep me from buying more makeup, It's just that now I had this thought in the back of my head as I swiped my card. 

I eventually settled into my life in NYC (for the 3rd time, technically) and my love of makeup and makeup Youtube (RIP Pixiwoo) started decreasing. What took its place? Depression, essentially. 

Basically, you can always tell if I'm not handling life well by the dwindling effort I put into my appearance. And not in "I need to look amazing at all times" way, but more in a "I clearly don't give a shit" way.

Makeup has always been a fun thing for me — it was never about making me look better. I have no qualms with leaving the house without it. But I notice that I tend to reach for it less when I'm struggling mentally. It's like the energy to enjoy something is sucked out of me. 

Then came 2020 and...well, need I say more? Everything got a bit worse and I realized that I had no creative outlet to calm my brain from the everyday anxiety spiral and Clorox-ing my groceries. 

So I ventured back to Youtube as a slightly out-of-touch millennial and found that Beauty YT had shifted from merely tutorials to reviews, in-depth product comparisons, celebrating brands that are (finally) inclusive, and sharing foundational, artistic knowledge like color theory. I was in HEAVEN. 

And I picked up a brush.

More specifically, I found Kackie Reviews Beauty, who was my millennial makeup soulmate. I could tell that she had been impacted by Dream Matte Mousse and Streetwear eyeshadow once upon an early 2000s.

Kackie was the best person to find in this moment. Her artistic eye helped me see undertones, her descriptions helped me determine shades even without being able to see the products in person, and her honesty was refreshing (in a world where influencers have been ~*sketchy*~ about their intentions).

Importantly, she helped me discover new, independent (and often women-owned) brands like Tower28, Athr (RIPPPPPP), Kosas, LYS, and Thrive. I felt my life force return...along with my strong buying skills. 

I quickly grew my makeup collection (and don't worry, I threw out the stuff I was still carrying around from college since I finally got serious about expiration dates). Let's just say, I may have gone slightly overboard and was once again left with a collection that will outlive my human form (can you take makeup into the afterlife?).

So while makeup was slowly bringing me back to life — exploring new textures and products that have come to market since my last tube of L'Oréal Voluminous had dried up — my collection was starting to stress me out. 

I thought to myself, "is there a way for me to get a bit more creative with how I use this makeup while also encouraging a more thoughtful approach to buying new products?" Enter: Project Pan.

I'll chat more about that in another post! Until then, check the expiration on your mascara and have fun playing with your makeup.